PARTY HARD

some days i think to myself
I AM ON A ROLL
and I WILL LIVE FOREVER

i will kiss my cats on their little cat mouths
i will do all of the dishes with style!

i will nail blankets to the windows to keep the heat in
and rip them down in the morning to check for snow
if there’s no snow i’ll pretend there’s snow
or i’ll just go outside and exist in whatever weather
there exists for me

i’ll put ink in my skin and laugh about it later
i’ll put ink in my skin for you if you want me to
there is enough skin to go around
i shed it and there’s always more

i will be open to getting whatever kind of dog will make you happy
because i’ve never met a good dog i didn’t like
the dog and i will have a swimming race across a lake
and i’ll let it win if you promise to kiss me anyway
we should be open-minded about kissing losers

i will read any book someone tells me to read
817 pages of whatever you want
i will fold over the corners and never look back

when the bus windows are open i will sit next to them
and feel the bus wind in my hair and imagine i am flying
i will not think about what is carried on the wind
other than to say I EMBRACE THIS

i will keep a dream journal because i am alive in my dreams too

i will call my mother and ask about her day
if i give her advice i will try not to feel weird about it

and i will wake up early on your birthday to bring you a balloon bouquet
every year and i’ll add another balloon for that year
two different colors of balloons, your two favorites that i remember
when they start to droop as they are doomed to do
i will POP them with their still-tight skins and save
their remains in a vase i will keep in a window
pray to it when i think of it

i will grow gray hairs and keep them all on my head
i will pay my children or maybe the children of others
to count the wrinkles on my hands
a competitive salary of course

i will inhale as much oxygen as i want to while i take up space in the world
i will be a sad sorry down and out oxygenaholic
i will be greedy with it and everyone will just have to deal!

until my lungs say RACHAEL WE CANNOT
until my brain says RACHAEL YOU DID IT
until my old bleeding bag of a heart says RACHAEL YOU USED IT ALL UP
every champagne bottle you ever drank is empty rachael
every tooth in your head is tired of chewing
every balloon in the bouquet is dead in a vase
every dog you ever loved is dog bones in the ground
then i’ll say, i’ll be bones now too

 

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